My Breast Augmentation
I believe that at sometime in her life, every woman who has a small bust or is totally flat-chested has wished her breasts were bigger. I’ve always had a small bust; on a good day I could barely fill out an A-cup bra.
Finding boyfriends has never been a problem for me, and it’s never bothered me psychologically either. And it isn’t outside pressure that has made me want larger breasts, either. I just happen to like shapely breasts that are just the right size.
I can’t say that I’ve always wanted surgery, because I didn’t always know that it was possible. When the media started talking about breast augmentation I began playing with the idea, but never went as far as considering surgery.
My first reaction was, “I know you get bigger breasts, but what about the risk? and the cost? What would people say about me?”
Still, the idea began to take hold, and I became a bit obsessed with my breasts. I talked about breasts with my friends all the time, asked them what size they were, looked at other women to see what was “normal.” Even so, I didn’t dare come out and say that I wanted surgery. For some reason, I felt that I would seem weak if I gave in to vanity. I thought that it would change the way people thought of me.
I’ve also always been the one to complain about others who had surgery. Watching “Baywatch” my usual comment was “I could look like that too if I had money and was willing to have surgery, but I’m not that crazy.” So it felt a bit phony to go around complaining about everyone else with silicone breasts, and then go out and get my own! Anyway, I started reading all the information I could find to get a fair picture. As soon as the subject came up on TV, I was glued to the set. Then I began to wonder if I really were serious about these ideas, and in the end, I realized I was. Many different thoughts and events finally led to my decision to go ahead and have breast augmentation surgery, but two of them tipped the scale: my collection of padded bras. I had lavender, I had blue, black, beige, large, small. I stood looking at the drawer filled with bras one day and realized that somehow something was wrong. I shouldn’t have to put up with these padded bras. Number 2 was worse: shopping for the summer’s bikini.
No more sneaking
When I finally got tired of my own skulking about, and when I knew that the most important thing is what I want and not what others think, it was time to take the step and tell my friends how I felt.
It may sound as though my decision only took a few months, but this is something I’d thought about for years – I just never thought I’d get the chance to do it. Once I made up my mind, those TV shows that sometimes seemed like they were intended to frighten you off no longer seemed so awful. I watched and listened carefully; it was like a preparation. If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right – and avoid any unnecessary risks.
My friends all reacted favorably when I told them, not at all what I expected. Seems like they all wished they were actually stronger, and had the nerve to have breast augmentation. I thought that they would think exactly the opposite, but I was wrong. They didn’t try to convince me not to do it. They know me well, and figured that I’d thought about this for so long that I probably knew what I was doing. They felt that if this was what I really wanted, they were happy for me. The only thing they insisted on was that I find the very best surgeon.
My sister’s reaction was “I want to do it, too.” I thought that since she was my older sister, it might not be as easy to tell her – but I was wrong even there.
My boss was a different matter; my private life is my own business, and this doesn’t have anything to do with my job. Since I knew that I wanted a B or C cup and not larger, the change would hardly be noticeable in ordinary clothing, but in a bikini – that would be something else!
I knew that I wanted to have surgery, but I still wanted to be sure about what I was doing.
I began reading even more articles. Anything I could find about breast surgery, books, surfed on the Net. I read and absorbed articles showing both the positive and negative sides. Since the media often exaggerate, I eliminated the best and the worst and tried to analyze the risks. In the end I’d read it all: the magazine articles had nothing new to say that I didn’t already know.
Then came the thought, what if I have surgery and regret it? But I read an article about one woman who did it and said that when you do something like this, you should never look back, and this really made sense. I was so tired of all this that I decided to go about my business for a week as though I’d decided not to have surgery. I’d give up all my push-up bras, since in my case they gave me false illusions. The bras really meant I wanted bigger breasts. Then it all started, all over again. Next, I gave myself a week believing that I actually would have the operation. It would be odd if I wanted to go back to small breasts once I had big ones.
Since all I could say after the two weeks was that I wanted bigger breasts, I could make my decision with a clear conscience, and it felt good. Once I truly made up my mind, I was walking on clouds – my dream was going to come true! It felt so real, as though I’d already had surgery.
I mentioned that the risks worried me; it isn’t just coincidence that I made up my mind recently, because now there are better implants.
I learned from all the magazines about three kinds of implants: saline solution, silicone, and “cohesive gel” implants. Silicone was out of the picture straight off; I realized that if anything is going to leak, it would be saline solution. But on the other hand, I didn’t want two plastic bags filled with water; what if they broke and I became completely flat, all at once. Worrying all the time just wouldn’t feel good. I know that many people say that saline solution is the best, but it’s hard to believe that when you see these implants and feel them. Neither silicone nor saline solution gave nearly as nice of a shape to breasts as the cohesive gel implants. There are other disadvantages too. I’ve seen photos, and the differences are enormous. I read various articles on the Internet where doctors talked about this. It scared me a bit that the scars are a bit larger with cohesive gel implants, but since the end results would be so much better, it would still be worth it. Now after the operation, I realize that the scars were actually smaller than I thought they would be.
Style 410 Silicone-filled Implants, on the other hand, look natural, you don’t have to massage them, and the material feels more genuine and stronger.
The First Contact
I made an appointment with a surgeon; the visit went well, but something didn’t feel right.
Mainly, it felt a bit frightening to enter the tiny reception area and wait to be called and escorted behind the large, closed doors. I felt vulnerable. The surgeon I met didn’t tell me much of anything I didn’t already know. And he didn’t think it mattered which type of implant was used. For me, that was what the deciding factor for whether or not I’d have surgery, and since he didn’t agree with me 100%, it didn’t feel right.
I didn’t get any clear answers when I asked certain questions, and after the visit I decided to put off the operation. I was still going to go through with it, but this contact just didn’t feel right. Maybe he wasn’t completely supportive because he didn’t know whether or not I really wanted surgery, but I feel that if I’m paying for an exam, I want to get good advice and a thorough workup, whether I’m going to have surgery or not.
A month or so went by, and I called Victoriakliniken. This time I spoke to a doctor on the phone right away. I learned more during that short phone call than during the hour-long visit with the first doctor. We talked about things in general and the doctor, Charles Randquist, told me briefly about how he works and which implants he felt gave the best results. After that we set up an appointment for an exam. Meanwhile, we stayed in touch by phone and e-mail. I decided to meet “Dr. Charles” because we had similar views about implants and he sounded very firm and self-confident, which I think a surgeon has to be. No hesitation, but action and guidance.
I met Dr. Charles in the recently renovated facility, and I have to say that it didn’t feel like a hospital.
Everything was furnished in wood and light linen colors. It felt more like a spa than a doctor’s office. The entire package was important for me; of course I was going to have surgery, but I didn’t want to just go to a hospital and get bigger breasts. I’d been dreaming of this for most of my life. This was a dream come true, and nothing else; I wanted the feeling of being well taken care of, I wanted people to fuss over me. And the people in the operating room should be just as involved as I am. Breast augmentation is not exactly inexpensive, either, and quite simply – I wanted to feel a bit luxurious. The reception area was large and open, with comfortable, stylish furniture, and even birds singing! Beautiful scented flowers, perfume in the restrooms, and fresh-squeezed juice. All I can say is, I felt like a movie star.
After a while, Dr. Charles and his assistant Ann came in. They both had such cheerful smiles. We sat on the couch for a while, and later went into the workroom. First I talked to Ann; we spoke about surgery in general, and about what people say. Then she told me about the implants and how they look, and she asked me questions like why I wanted surgery, and what my boyfriend thought. I didn’t have to answer anything if I didn’t feel completely OK about it. After a while, Dr. Charles came back; I have to say that he looked a bit young to be a surgeon with such a good reputation. The best part was that everyone here understood my situation; it didn’t feel like they would be looking down at me – “here comes that woman who is so unsure of herself, and wants a makeover.” They listened and explained and were very understanding. Now Dr. Charles told me about the procedure in greater detail, he drew some diagrams and things like that. I showed pictures of breasts that I thought were attractive, and of breasts that I didn’t like as much. He continued to tell me bout the entire procedure, and his opinion of breasts and of what they should look like. He also told me what he feels comfortable doing, and what he can’t or won’t do. Then we went to the mirrors and looked at my breasts. I’ve always thought that my right breast was smaller than the left, but here I actually learned differently. Dr. Charles said that my chest was concave on the right side, which was because my spine is crooked. All this just from feeling my breasts! So actually my breasts were the same size, which came as a bit of a shock. He squeezed them and felt them, front and back, measured, and so on, and at the same time we talked about the size. I didn’t really know if I wanted a B- or C-cup. Dr. Charles explained that it’s silly to talk about cup sizes since a B-cup can look larger or smaller, depending on whether you’re tall or short.
Since I didn’t know what I wanted, Dr. Charles suggested that I go home and do the rice test: put rice in bags, and then put the bags inside my bra. It wasn’t easy – the rice ran out, and it felt heavy and strange, but I was able to get an idea of what I wanted. According to Dr. Charles, I could have either 270 ml or 310, so I picked 310. He showed me how broad the space between my breasts would be, and that I would have more volume on top. I was really worried about how to pick the size, but that wasn’t a problem when I received such excellent counseling. So the final choice was Style 410 Silicone-filled Implants, size 310 gr. It’s so easy to become greedy, and think that as long as I’m paying for this, I may as well have the biggest breasts possible, but I knew that choosing larger breasts increased the risks as well. Besides, I didn’t want my breasts to lead me down the streets ;)
It was fun when Dr. Charles described his concept of the ideal breast. I’ve never seen a man get so involved in a pair of breasts; they should be soft and feminine, come out a little at the side… I was worried about how I would explain what I wanted, but in the end he finished my sentences for me. It felt absolutely perfect. Dr. Charles also explained that I would experience more pain, since I was having the implants under the breast muscle and that he would place my scar a bit higher up since I had a tendency to “hang” – my skin would hang down, and then the scars would be visible. I wondered how this man could keep track of everything. Suddenly I wasn’t the slightest bit worried – I knew my surgery would be just what I wanted. I could put everything in his hands, and it would turn out wonderful, no matter what he did because he really had a handle on the situation. Questions like: would you rather have a tiny bit too large, or a tiny bit too small, and other details just increased my confidence in Dr. Charles.
I wrote earlier that I had looked at so many photos and that I felt that some breasts were more attractive than others. What I realized now was that mostly the results depended on what your breasts were like before the operation. If you had very small breasts, and chose implants that were too large, it didn’t always look as good. If your breasts were broadly spaced before surgery, it was that way afterwards too.
I thought that if I showed a photo, then that would be the way my breasts would look. But when you’ve seen so many before and after pictures, you realize that your breasts will be the same as before, just bigger. You can affect things to some extent, but not too much. That was one of the reasons why I felt that some breasts were not “perfect.” It’s rather charming because you retain the character of your breasts, it just looks like they grew a bit.
I went home in a good mood, even though I’d been a bit disappointed when Dr. Charles pointed to the picture I brought and said that I couldn’t have breasts like those. Still, it felt good because now I had all the advantages and disadvantages in the open, without any more question marks.
On the train I suddenly felt a little down. As long as I spoke to Dr. Charles, the dream was alive, but once I’d left the office, it no longer seemed like it would really happen. In any case, Dr. Charles and I stayed in touch while waiting for the operation. About one week before, Dr. Charles decided on the size of the implant. When he e-mailed me that he was going to order the 310, then it felt real.
The days before
It felt like forever from the end of June to the end of August. But before I knew it, it was the morning of my operation. Dr. Charles called me a few days before, and the day before the operation was scheduled to confirm and remind me to fast. Then the anesthesiologist called and I had to answer some questions. He wanted to make sure that I was feeling fine, that I tolerated antibiotics, etc. Typically, I came down with a cold two weeks before the operation and I had my period on the day of the procedure. I wasn’t feeling quite right, but I wasn’t feeling bad in any way. Everyone called and asked how it felt, but strangely enough it didn’t feel like much of anything; I felt almost powerless. It was a bit unreal. Everyone was curious and wanted me to call them right after the operation.
The Day of the Operation
Woke up very early; now I could really feel it – I knew it was going to happen. Not the slightest bit afraid. It just felt right, so incredibly good. In a bit of a daze, I took a thorough shower and then rode the train to the clinic. It was nice that Victoriakliniken wasn’t in the middle of the city; that would have been too much. When I was almost at the clinic, I remembered that Dr. Charles said I would probably feel sick and throw up after the operation, because of the anesthesia. I didn’t have any breakfast so I was pretty hungry and weak when I got there. I though that I didn’t need any anesthesia to feel sick, having an empty stomach was enough for me. When I arrived at the clinic I met a nurse, who showed me to my room. She said that Dr. Charles would come right away. I waited in the room after putting on my bathrobe and slippers. Sat on the bed and whispered to myself, “Today’s the day! I’m going to have surgery noooooooow.” I was very much in a daze, but I didn’t have the slightest doubt – it only felt good to have this done.
Dr. Charles came in with a big smile on his face. He looked at me and said, “this is it – how does it feel?” It was just fantastic – he seemed to be as enthusiastic as I was. We talked a bit, and he described what would happen. I would have a lot of pain, and I should take it easy the first few days. He wouldn’t be there when I woke up, since I’d just want to sleep, but he would call me later. Then he took photos of me from very possible angle and began to draw on me. I didn’t dare look. Didn’t dare move – I didn’t want it to turn out crooked. When he finished drawing, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me a shot in my rear end. That’s what I’d dreaded most! And then I was given a suppository. They brought me to the operating room about fifteen minutes later; I was still wide awake. The staff moved me onto the table and I could see the lights above me. Dr. Charles came in wearing his surgical scrubs. He made a thumbs up sign, and squeezed my feet, as though to say “everything is going to be fine, don’t worry.” It felt wonderful to see his face.
Meanwhile, the nurses took such good care of me. They complimented me on Dr. Charles’ artwork – yet another sign of his thoroughness, I thought. The anesthesiologist placed an IV and then it was time for the anesthetic. I breathed once, twice, three….suddenly I was half awake, and I could hear voices and felt people lifting me over into my bed. I opened one eye halfway, saw Dr. Charles smile…and then dozed off again. I could hear voices all the time, while the nurses took care of me. When I actually woke up it was 3:30 pm; the operation was at 9 am. My first thought when I awoke was, “oh no, now I’ve been on my back so long, my hair will be awful – I’d better put it up. But that wasn’t so easy when I could hardly lift a finger. I could hardly move at all from the chest down. A nurse who was walking past my door came in. She talked to me, looked at my breasts, and said that they looked great. All I saw were two swollen mountains. I felt that it was hard to move; someone helped me sit up but I had to take a painkiller before I could go to the toilet. The strange thing was that I thought I was so stiff and in so much pain that there wasn’t a chance that I’d be able to get out of bed for a long time, but half an hour later I was able to go to the toilet. The anesthetic and painkiller made me very sleepy. I almost fell asleep standing up.
My friend came to get me a little later, I said goodbye, and fell asleep again. That’s how it was that all day. I talked a little, ate a little, but then I went right back to sleep. I was glad that Dr. Charles wasn’t here, because then I’d have to try to sound intelligible, which was just impossible. I was sweaty, tired, weak, thirsty, and didn’t have the strength to talk to anyone. It was even hard to pull up my panties after I’d been to the toilet. When you’re weak and fragile, it’s nice to have someone taking care of you. I had some tea and toast before the nurses sent me on my way. It was incredible that just a few hours ago, I couldn’t move, and now I was on my way home. Still, it was nice to know that you could stay at the clinic’s hotel if you felt weak or didn’t feel like going home, and be taken care of a bit longer. Not much more happened that evening; I ate a little food, took another pain tablet, and went to bed and slept. I was too tired to even look at my breasts. I knew they were swollen and that they wouldn’t look that way in a few days. Called Dr. Charles and said that I was at home now, and I felt fine. He asked how the size felt; fine, I said, but I was just tired and in pain. I was dazed and dizzy too.
The days after
The Day After Surgery
Had some trouble getting out of bed, need help to get up. Managed to wash up and make breakfast. Avoided quick movements. Also managed to comb my hair and get dressed. Still, I could feel my breasts all the time. Everything was fine as long as I sat or stood still, but it hurt when I stood up or bent over. My breasts were still swollen, but now I finally dared to look at them. You’d think that they would look odd, but other than the fact that they were a bit swollen and pointy, they looked the same as usual. Sometimes I forgot that I’d just had surgery, but that was probably because of the tablets. Still tired and dazed, didn’t have the strength to do anything but stay home and watch TV. The first day I couldn’t put on my sports bra because it felt too tight. But the next day it was better. My sports bra is rather loose, and that’s a bit better. As soon as I feel better, I’ll go to town and buy a really good, supportive sports bra. But I’m still not ecstatic that I have bigger breasts. It feels good that the operation is over but I can hardly wait until I can go shopping for a new bra….
No difference from day one, still tender and swollen, don’t have the strength to do much. But I can move much more without hurting. I think many people, like me, don’t understand that this is a real operation, and even if you can handle the pain well, you’re still handicapped for a few days afterwards. You have to realize that you need help both physically and emotionally. I’m strong mentally, but between the anesthetic and painkillers, it was a stressful time. A lot of thoughts float through your head. I thought, good lord – I’ve had surgery now; what if something happens?! It was great to know that I could talk to Dr. Charles or Ann any time; I know I called Ann several times.
Seems like the swelling is going down, and feeling is returning to my nipples. Don’t really dare to take a good shower yet; hard to wash my hair so I let my sister do it for me. Got dressed, felt bright and chipper. Decided to go shopping in town for a new bra. Rode in with a friend who could help me try on the bra, it may be a bit hard if you’re still a little stiff. It felt good to be out again, but I was a little afraid of being around other people, I was worried I might bump into them. Waited for the crowds to disappear wherever I went so I wouldn’t have to worry about an elbow poking me in the breast. But when my handbag, which isn’t especially heavy, started feeling like it weighed ten pounds, it was time to head home.
Hooray! My breasts are big, and I’m so happy! I’ve tried on all my old bras to see that they really are too small – they are! ha ha! It’s been a week since the operation and I don’t need any more pain medication, though it still hurts. I don’t feel like something is inside me; my breasts actually feel real – as if they suddenly grew larger. It’s a bit annoying, having to sleep on my back all the time. Today I was at the clinic again, and Dr. Charles checked my breasts to make sure that everything was OK, and it was. We-that is, Ann, Dr. Charles and I-were very happy with the results. Now I have to wait two weeks for the sutures to be removed. I can move about fairly freely but I still can’t lift heavy objects and my motor function isn’t the best. For example, no quick turning backward to straighten out the pillow.
Oddly, for a few days, everything seemed to be moving in the right direction, but suddenly I began feeling more pain and became worried. You’d think there should be less pain. It felt like the pain you get after a tough work out, and some burning. Wearing a tight bra was a bit hard. I asked about it at the first recheck. According to Dr. Charles, and it sounds logical enough, when I take medicine for the pain I move more. Then, if I don’t take any medicine the next day, I feel more pain since I was so active the day before – like the pain you get after exercising.
Today, three weeks after the operation, I’m having my sutures removed. Since I live in London, and can’t come to Sweden for this, I’ve been allowed to remove them myself. I called Ann to make sure I did it right. Since I’ve never removed sutures before, I was actually very nervous.
Both Dr. Charles and Ann reassured me that it would be easy. But when I stood in front of the mirror, my hands were shaking. I started to pull one end of the thread, and breathed out. I thought, this is easy enough for a centimeter or so, no pain at all; here comes the hard part. I started to pull, but realized that there was no more thread. I’d actually already pulled it out before I even realized that I’d started. I laughed at myself; suture removal was easy as could be – and here I’d been shaking at the thought of it. Until now, everything has gone right, and it felt wonderful. The other day I was lying on my side, and I thought that my breasts would probably point straight ahead; I looked down at them and saw that they actually fell down like they did before the operation, just as naturally as could be. My breasts are still a bit tender, including the nipples. But now they’re gorgeous. I still have surgical tape on the scars, it’s safer and feels better.
It’s time for a recheck about six months after the operation. Dr. Charles took the “after” photo and showed me the photo we took before the operation. Let me tell you, it felt strange looking at it. It didn’t feel as thought it were my body before. I thought, “This is what I should have looked like from the beginning.” Dr. Charles squeezed gently and declared that they were perfect!
My breasts feel wonderful, I don’t even notice them. Most of all, they feel incredibly real and they have a perfect shape. No one can tell that I had surgery, which is terrific. But when I get dressed up, I can wear anything I like. I compared breasts the other day with my friends, and they felt the same. Everyone thinks they look totally natural.
“Words of Wisdom”
Briefly, I’d say that it took three days for the swelling to go down, and a week before the pain disappeared. It took another month before I could do any heavy lifting. I waited two more months before I could really start exercising, but I could go running after just two months. I thought I would feel my breasts when I ran, but I didn’t feel anything. So I guess I’d say that for me, it took three months before I felt completely recovered.
I realize now that if you are small from the start, you shouldn’t choose breasts that are too large; you still want to go on living the way you usually do. I’m totally satisfied with my size – not too big, and not too small. Most of all, the reactions I get from both the guys and the girls about my size are great. I realize that it’s easier for people to accept breast augmentation if you don’t overdo it, even people who have always been against breast augmentation. My boyfriend’s friends, who always said that I should get “honkin’ hooters,” have only complimented me and said that I did the right thing by not making them too big. I understand now that maybe it isn’t the breast augmentation procedure itself that some people are against, but the size of the breasts.
It feels so strange; something you’ve wanted forever, and waited for forever, and then – it’s actually over. I have to say that you need help the first few days; you’re very sensitive and it isn’t much fun if there’s something you can’t do, and no one is there to help you. Though I think you could manage on your own, it’s just that you feel a bit lazy and tender, and the pain makes you feel a little sorry for yourself. My sister combed my hair on the second or third day, even though I could do it myself already on the day after surgery. I felt a little sorry for myself. I probably didn’t think it would hurt for as long as it did. It was probably my own fault, since I didn’t take all the pain pills that I should have taken. So here’s a tip, take all the medicine that Dr. Charles gives you, and don’t wait until it hurts again. Just unnecessary suffering; I don’t know what I thought, that I was superwoman or something.
Hope everything goes well for you!